Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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