Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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