my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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