I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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