and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
