you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
