Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
