I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
