Do you still have your period?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
