Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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