I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
