Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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