I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
