3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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