i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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