Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
