finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
