Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
