The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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