careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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