I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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