You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
