She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
