I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize