every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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