I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
