Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
