similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
