Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Randomize
