Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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