well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
