I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
