So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
