I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
