Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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