I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
