apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
