True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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