she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
