last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
