My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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