I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My penis needs a shock collar
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
