dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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