Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
