I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
