Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
