Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
