I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
