And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
