Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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