Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
