life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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