you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
