you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
