we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
