I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
