tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
