Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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