Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
