Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
