So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
