I wannas sexs uuuuu
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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