dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
