All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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