You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
