Your mouth is God's brothel.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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