All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
