Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
