We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
