so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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